It's been a while.

10 years. It's been 10 years (yeah I know I'm a few days late. Shoot me.) since the attack on the twin towers. I was only in first grade, so when it first happened I was too young to understand what was going on, and the impact it would have on our country. I remember that day though. I remember the announcement coming over the P.A. system "There has been a plane flown into tower one of the World Trade Center. Teachers please do not turn on your class room TVs, if you need or want more information please come to the office. Thank you." I remember it word for word because I had no clue what was going on. My teacher stopped dead in her tracks and just started shaking. She whispered to us that we weren't going to be doing anything else for the rest of the day. She told us to find something to do quietly in the room. I remember playing with a dry erase board, passing notes with one of my friends because we didn't want to say anything. The class was silent. The rest of the day we were just silent. A few kids got called to the office, their parents came to pick them up. Our teacher sat at her desk staring at her phone, waiting for a call from a family member she had in New York. We never knew if that call came through, and if it did, what it said. I knew nobody up there. I knew nobody in Pennsylvania. I knew nobody in the Pentagon. The only people I knew, were there in that classroom with me.
Every year, when 9/11 comes back around school days start the same. The principal comes over the system, says some nice words, and we have a moment of silence at the times the towers and the Pentagon were hit. Then when we have social studies class when we talk about what happened. This year it was different. We debated who was at fault. I blamed the US. I was on my own. I totally owned them.
Why do we bring it up every year? Yes, it was horrible what happened, but it already happened. We can't go back and change it, so why bring it up? Okay, maybe it's not all that bad that we bring it up, but can we bring up the Pentagon and what happened in Pennsylvania too? Those were just as horrible. Everybody on the plane in Pennsylvania died, but that gets over looked every year. Something like 189 people died at the Pentagon, and that gets over looked too. Those families were just as devastated as the families at the WTC. Yeah more people were affected at the WTC but the other deaths were just as devastating. How can we as a nation over look those deaths and only focus on two buildings?
What happened was inevitable. It was bound to happen, we were just waiting for it. We didn't know how severe it was going to be, and we didn't know when it would happen, and who would do it, but we knew it was going to happen. Why weren't we more prepared for something like that? The number of people that died could have been lower, if our country would have listened and reacted to the threats that we got on those days.
You might be thinking I'm too young to still understand what happened. I've heard stories supporting both sides, supporting it was our fault and supporting we had no way of knowing. I've heard the news stories and I've heard the first hand accounts of the people in those buildings on that day. I have a good understanding about the way the day played out. I know enough to form my own opinion, just like everybody else out there. Call me wrong, call me right. I know what I believe and I'm not going to let people tell me I'm wrong because I don't think the way they do. I'm going to prove my point, whether or not you agree with me is up to you and I accept that.
Feel free to comment about where you stand about those things. that would be awesome. :D
until next time
tootles(:

Oh my

It's September. One month closer to my trip to Germany, my trip to Oregon to meet my Aunt, and one month closer for him to come back.
His name is Kevin, if I haven't mentioned that in any of the other posts about him. I might have. But I'm not totally sure on that one.
He's coming back in November for some corps thing. Not totally sure, but it's beside the point. He's coming back for a week. But then leaving again for too many months, then coming back again for whatever reason.
That's the way Dubuque works. People leave here all the time, but they always come back. You feel like you have to. Sure this city is filled with oddballs, scumbags, and douches, but it's still home. There isn't a lot to do, but that's what friends are for. We aren't known for anything really, and we don't need to be. We're a city, a town, and a community. The people here don't always get along, but at the end of the day we all share the same common ground. Dubuque is our home. Yeah it's lame, but it's home.

Home is more important than anything. If you don't have a home what do you have? Home isn't a building, home is where ever you're comfortable and you're surrounded by people that you love. It doesn't matter how many people that is, what matters is that there are people out there that love you for you.
I'm tired of people telling me they don't like themselves. You are never going to be 100% happy with yourself. That's just the plain truth. That's life. Just shut up. Unless you really want me to sit here and tell you everything I don't like about you, shut up.

And that's that.
Shalom <3

Tell me what you think. Please.

If you never meant it, you shouldn't have said it. When you say something like that, to somebody like me it's not going to be taken lightly. Sure what we had was never really public, but that never stopped you from saying it. I was the first one to say it, but you kept it going. You would say it in text messages, with the dorky little smiley face after it, and you would say it in person between kisses. Of course I was going to believe you when you said it, it would have been foolish not to, but now I realize I was foolish for believing you. You could have just told me that you were going to use me for whatever you could get. That would have made all of this easier, but you didn't. Now I'm just sitting here alone, while you're halfway across the country having the time of your life. I'm just sitting reading those stupid text messages that I saved in my phone because they made me smile. They all say the same thing, "Goodnight I love you(:" every time I read one I want to throw my phone at the wall. I go to delete them, but before I push the button I get a flash of hope that maybe you'll take back what you said and that you do love me. That's all I want you to say, keep your apologies just tell me that you love me and want me back. Until the day you realize that, I'll be right here where you left me. Waiting. For you to tell me you were wrong, or say that you love me, or that you met this new girl, who I would just simply LOVE. Who cares what you say, I just need more closure than "Idk as a friend?" Maybe someday, maybe not. Maybe you'll come back, maybe you wont. Maybe I'll get over you, maybe I'll think of you everyday. You can hope either way, all you want, for any of those situations, only time will tell. You were a mistake, but you were the best mistake I could have made. I loved you at one point, at one point you were my everything. But to you, everything we did was meaningless. So for now I'll just wait to move on. You'll be the first to get over it, that's a given, but when I get over it it will be as if the world as I know it, is coming to an end. I'll realize someday how stupid it is for me to continue longing for you. To be honest that day can't come soon enough. I'm ready now to be over you, I'm ready now to forget everything we've done. You've passed that point already, so why haven't I?

So tell me, do I keep going or is it done? What should I change? What should I do to make it better? :D
~Kari

Herp de Derp. Almost French? Sure.

Dudes know when you like them right? I mean like, chicks drop hints all the time "There's this dude that I like, oh yeah you know him, like really well too." Do they just play dumb? "Oh really who?" It gets exhausting thinking of other 'hints' to give you guys. That's when we just resort to "Guess" probably the stupidest response we can give a dude, then he'll just list off all the dudes you flirt with, then you'll get mad and freak out "Oh my god he thinks I like them?! Oh god I can't talk to that guy anymore. AND HIM? Oh no!" Blah blah blah. But don't get me wrong, chicks play dumb all the time, "It's sexy being stupid." NO. Stfu. Sure dudes don't like being out-witted, but that doesn't mean be dumber than them. It just means, don't point out when they're wrong. Dur. But then you get those rare dudes every now and then, that look for girls that are smarter than they are. They don't want to have just a one sided conversation about things. They want a girl they can talk to. Just like chicks do. We want somebody who can hold their own. I'm tired of hearing girls play stupid for guys they like. It makes them seem easy, and of course dudes like that but not all of them do. I know a handful of guys who don't care just about getting in some chick's pants. I like dudes like that. Dudes that would rather talk about stuff, or listen to music or something other than make out and do it. Now sure, those things are fun, but there's a point where it gets old just doing the same thing over and over again like that.
I'm sure you didn't look at this for whatever piece of advice I might have just listed above, so I'm done talking about that for now.

A continuation of yesterday? Sure.
I'm tired of people telling me it takes time to get over somebody. I know it does, but it's taking too long. He's over but I'm not and it's weird. I don't like it. I want to be normal again, we act normal everytime we talk, but we both know how much I still think about it, and how much I miss it. I HATE LOVE. {no I don't, I just dislike it} I HATE RELATIONSHIPS THAT AREN'T REALLY RELATIONSHIPS. {yeah I really hate those.} AND I HATE DUDES. {for the most part.}

Officially one week.

One week since he left. I don't like this. Yeah, we were just friends but I loved him you know? Like a lot. Yeah that sounds really stupid and you can totally tell I'm a teenager, well guess what, I'm a teenager, I can say that kind of stuff. I miss him. I don't want to but I do. We text and we talk on facebook everyday, but I still miss him like crazy.
I thought out of sight out of mind worked? Then why the hell isn't it working now? He's halfway across the country. That's far enough out of sight isn't it?
God this is stupid.
He doesn't think about me ever, so why do I think of him? He doesn't love me, so why do I love him? He's happy out there, so why am I miserable back here? He doesn't care, so why do I?
It's not fair.
But life isn't. Right?
That's what everybody says.
He told me, time will fix this. He told me someday I'll get over this, I'll get over him, and I'll be happy again. I told him time doesn't fix everything, because I'm not sure I want to get over him, but I want to because it's stupid how much I think about him. It drives me crazy. I simply told him I hoped he was right, he said he was so I said good.
I'm ready for time to start working. I'm ready to forget him. I'm ready to forget everything we did. It was great while it lasted but it's all over now.
I just need to move on I guess..but how can I do that when I can't stop thinking about him?
THIS IS STUPID.
I HATE THIS.
VERY MUCH.



I'm done.
~Kari.

Yeaaaaaaaaaahk.

I don't like people. I don't like people that don't talk when you talk to them. I don't like people that never let you get a word in. I don't like people that don't even talk to you when you used to be best friends. I don't like people that don't like your friends so they decide they don't like you. So yeah I just don't like people.
So instead of more ranting about how I don't like people, here's some more writings :P

They walked silently hand in hand watching each other's shadows. His was elongated and thin, the outline of his clothes show the only volume to his person. Hers was short but slender, the dress she was wearing seemed to float around her like a sail in the wind. He came to a stop and released her hand. With a deep sigh he flung himself to the ground. He laid down slowly and watched the evening sky. She soon joined him, the dewy grass cool on her bare legs. As she eased herself down next to him she looked up at the sky.  She admired the small clutter of stars that were faintly visible in the twilight sky. She turned her head to face his. She closed her eyes, working up the courage to make a move. When she opened her eyes, he was looking back at her with a calm smile. She slowly leaned in and pressed her lips against his. The kiss had been everything she had imagined it would be. As they pulled apart, he simply smiled at her again and slid his arm under her neck. As he pulled her in close to his chest she whispered the three best words he had ever heard, "I love you."

“It’s raining, it’s pouring…” her tiny voice echoed through the silence, her infant shadow darkening a small portion of the earth. She swung back and forth singing the song as the sheets of rain drenched her and her white, airy dress. Back and forth, ceaselessly, her light hair blowing around her face. “The old man is snoring”. Her child form forlorn and out of place in the gray setting. Thunder cracked in the distance. As she swung her body faded to match its surroundings. Yet she didn’t stop. “He bumped his head”. She was higher off the ground now. “And went to bed”. She didn’t seem to notice the lightning and thunder. “And didn’t get up in the morning…” The echoing song trails off. An empty swing still in motion, the gray sky darkening to envelope it.

If all the rain drops were lemon drops and gum drops...

Our country would have a very bad ant infestation...Ants are freaking insane. Seriously! The other day, me and this dude, we were watching ants, move popcorn. Have you ever seen that!?!? IT'S MIND BLOWING. Then we got bored and put half of a peanut M&M on the ground and watched them attack that. We came back the next day, all of the chocolate was gone, the shell was chipped and the peanut was split in two. I'm serious, it was like magic. Today we're going back and putting as many ants as we can in a plastic container thing, and putting different foods in it just to see what they do. Because our lives are just THAT exciting.
Yesterday was the first day of school, it went how any other day is going to go these next 10 months.
High school really isn't as bad as people make you think it is. If you're a freshmen reading this, which chances are you probably aren't, but if you just happen to be, high school is going to fly by. I'm a junior, and it still doesn't feel right saying that. You don't get constantly shoved into lockers, there aren't fights everyday, nobody steals your lunch money, sure the chicks are bitches, and you'll be used in relationships but that's all part of what happens. I'm tired of listening to my friend complain about that stuff. I was always told, high school is going to be rough, but the real world isn't that much of a breeze either. I tell them that then they get mad, but whatever they get over it.
Today was basically yesterday but under the title Wednesday. Nothing exciting ever happens in Iowa. People come and people go all the time, but nobody seems to stick around forever. Sure they come back, but they still leave. Nobody interesting has ever come out of the Dubuque area either. It's lame here. I need to get out. Now. College can't come soon enough...

2 days down, too many more to go...yay high school...

Tootles!
Kari.

I like food. I hate spiders.

I'm your normal person. I think food is awesome, you kinda need it to live so duh. I think spiders are evil, sure they do good things but I seriously hate them. I don't have any awesome talents, ooooo I know how to play trumpet and french horn, because they will TOTALLY help me out in life. I'm not that great looking, I accept that. I take the bad things as they come, and accept them for what they are. I embrace the good things when they get here, no matter how long they take. I was brought up this way. I was brought up being told, not to judge people until I know their life story.
I'm tired of people hating me for whatever reason. I have a way that I do things. I have been through pain in my life and my way to move past it, is to be happy no matter what and no matter how fake that happy is. I've been abused emotionally and physically by my father. I was in an abusive relationship but got out of it. The one person I have ever loved with my whole heart killed himself last year a week before Christmas. My best friend that helped me through all of that, killed herself last year. The closest thing I ever had to replacing them moved away two weeks ago, halfway across the country.
But I get through it.
I get over it.
I move on.
I be happy.
I put on a smile and help my other friends with their problems, because I would rather keep my mind busy with helping somebody than bothering with my own personal tragedy. What happens, happens. Everything has a reason. You may not know the reason right away, but someday you'll figure it out. I was told these words by my aunt who passed with cancer back in March last year. I've lived by them since her passing.
I don't know what I want to do with my life yet, I'm only 16. But sooner or later I have to figure everything out. When I do, I still wont have all my answers, but the ones I'll have will help me along my way.

And that's that.
Taaaaaaaaaaaaa daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D
WOO!
I'm out(:
FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL TOMORROW. yay? sure.

BANANA NUT MUFFINS.

So that silly little rant from yesterday, yeah, that nonsense...TOTALLY FLIPPED TODAY. It's kind of nice having friends that can seriously do a full 180 and forgive you for whatever you do. If you don't have somebody like that, I suggest you go find somebody. You probably read that and say "Psh, some random chick that I don't know. Yeah. TOTALLY GOING TO LISTEN TO HER." Well let me tell YOU something Mr.and or Ms. Sir and or Ma'am!! People like that, will help you with everything. They'll have their moments where they'll be all "WTF?" then they'll be "Awwww it's all good(:" They'll save you from yourself.
Sometimes that's all we need, is somebody to save us from ourselves.
I'm totally sure that you don't care about personal stuff though(: Lots of people don't. It's all good.

I think I'll post another writing, I would love comments. Please. Please. PLEASE. PRETTY FREAKING PLEASE.


Because of you, she's afraid of the word forever. Because of you she can't say it to anybody anymore. You promised. You promised her friends forever, and she believed it. You promised her you would be there forever, and she fell for every word of it. But what she refused to believe was how big of a lie forever really was. She hated knowing that forever was over the day you left. You never expected a word to mean so much, and you never planned on forever being only a few months. You never told her, but you really did expect forever to be forever. You kept a strong front as your forever came crumbling down, but inside your heart crashed harder than your promise. You promised you would still say good night and that no matter what this was not your last goodbye. She wanted so much to believe you but she knows that every forever has an end and that eventually every promise is broken. So she tried her hardest to believe you. The one thing that she never doubted was your love. Over the course of your relationship, that was the one thing that was never questioned or debated. She was your world, and you were her everything. But in the end that love was a cruel joke. You played along knowing the final outcome but never told her. You really had her fooled. You let her believe that forever really meant forever. And now she can't promise anybody forever. And because of you, that word scares her more than anything.

Yeah. I wrote that. :D WOO!

Peace, Love and Banana Nut Muffins <3
Until tomorrow.
Kari.

Everything is okay...Everything.

When somebody says "I love you", what do you hear? What do you think? What do you want it to mean? Personally I hear just that, I hear "I love you." I think that they wouldn't say it unless they meant it. And to me, it means that they really do love you.
Okay, picture this. A guy, your best friend, you've liked him for a while but he hasn't liked you back. One day you tell him that you love him. He simply says "Okay." Then a few months later, he moves, halfway across the country. But a few days before he leaves, you hang out with him. One thing leads to another, and at the end of the night you end up kissing. You tell him that you love him, and he finally says it back. You really hope he means it and until you ask him if he did, you really think he meant it. When you ask him if he meant it, he says "Yeah. As a friend. How did you mean it?" What I didn't tell him, was that I really thought I loved him. I really wanted him to tell me that he really REALLY loved me. But he didn't. And now I look like a fool.
Oh well, it's nothing new.
And that was my little rant(: no more of that. Ever again.
I promise.

Relationships are hopeless. I think I'm just going to grow up to be that crazy old cat lady, that lives nextdoor that gives all of the little neighbor kids freshly baked cookies. I am perfectly fine with that. WHO'S WITH ME!?
Probably nobody. I'm okay with that too. From now on, everything is going to be okay.
"Your mom died"~"Okay."
"You just pooped your pants!"~"Okay."
"I hate you!"~"Okay."
"I'm going to the moon!!"~"Okay."
Everything is okay...right?

Yay day 3. That kinda rhymes...right?

I don't know why I'm keeping track of the days. Maybe just to see how long I can keep this up hahaha. My bet is maybe 2 weeks. Sure. That works. SO OPTIMISTIC.
Today I was thinking about posting writings since I posted some pictures yesterday. Most of my silly little writings are little short stories. I write about what I know, so chances are it's a true story. You can say what you want about it, "OMG IT'S AWESOME" "OMG YOU ARE THE WORST WRITER EVER" I will simply say thank you :) hahaha I'm just going to post one.

They walked silently hand in hand watching each other's shadows. His was elongated and thin, the outline of his clothes show the only volume to his person. Hers was short but slender, the dress she was wearing seemed to float around her like a sail in the wind. He came to a stop and released her hand. With a deep sigh he flung himself to the ground. He laid down slowly and watched the evening sky. She soon joined him, the dewy grass cool on her bare legs. As she eased herself down next to him she looked up at the sky.  She admired the small clutter of stars that were faintly visible in the twilight sky. She turned her head to face his. She closed her eyes, working up the courage to make a move. When she opened her eyes, he was looking back at her with a calm smile. She slowly leaned in and pressed her lips against his. The kiss had been everything she had imagined it would be. As they pulled apart, he simply smiled at her again and slid his arm under her neck. As he pulled her in close to his chest she whispered the three best words he had ever heard, "I love you."

and that's that :D
Let me know if you read it, and what you think about it. You'd be considered awesome. I'll post more writings later.
Tootles!

Let's do day 2 :P

Wooooooo I made it to a second day! Hahaha I'm sure that's not really all that surprising. A little bit more about myself, I'm 16, live in a Podunk little town in Iowa and go to a pretty boring high school. I'm nothing fantastic to be honest haha. I like to write, so I'll probably post some of those writings, I would love feedback if you ever see any of them. I also do a little bit of photography type stuff haha. I never really know what to call it, I take random pictures and some of them look kinda cool. Music is fantastic, but anybody you talk to will tell you that. I play. Trumpet, french horn, and piano. It might sound impressive to you but it really isn't. The two are basically the same thing haha and the piano is just a matter of knowing where the keys are and what notes they are. I also speak German. I've been to Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic and Lichtenstein. Next year I'm going back to Germany and Switzerland and throwing in France. It will be interesting considering I don't know French(: Now's the time to learn I guess.

Anyway, included are some of my pictures. Feel free to comment and give feedback, I want to hear what other people think of them. Feel free to also be critical, I always get paraniod when people tell me "I LOVE THIS ONE!!!"

Das ist alles für heute.

~Kari!

My aunt was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She passed away March of 2010.

I was watching my little cousin Andrew.

I swear this one is not edited!! I put some chalk on the railing of my poarch and took a picture.

{3 for now, some for later.}

Sup.

I'm basicly talking to nobody right now...Isn't this fun. I don't really know what I'm going to post on here. It'll probably be just random pointless things. But sometimes that's all life really is...random and somewhat pointless. Of course not everything in life is pointless, everything happens for a reason whether we know the reason or not. Right? Sure. I guess. I mean, nobody will ever know for certain. If you do know, you should tell me. I guess I'll just wait and see what pops up.

That's about it for now. More to come later I think!
Sure.
~Kari.